Monday, 21 July 2008

Nothing I've ever known - based on the Bryan Adams song

“You’re joking right?” I asked although it was quite clear he wasn’t. That spark of humour in his eyes wasn’t there.
“No I’m not Liz. I know I should have told you sooner…”
“You got that right Dan! Were you ever going to tell me?” I knew my words had stung him but I was beyond any point of caring.
“Course I was, I just… I couldn’t…”
“Don’t you dare use the ‘right time’ line Dan don’t you bloody dare! Ever since you met me it’s been the right time. And you can’t say you forgot either because no decent bloke would forget he was getting married and had two kids.” I stopped throwing my clothes into my over sized shopping bags and looked at him for the first time in pure disgust. “God I was wrong about you.”
“Ok I admit I’ve been a complete bastard keeping this from you Liz but…”
“Ugh there is no but Dan, no bloody excuse for what you’ve done.” I stopped again angry pain ceasing control of my voice. “Were you ever going to leave her for me Dan? Were you? Or did you think you could really juggle a family and me at the same time? Did you even love me?”
He looked at me, his face pale with shame and embarrassment. “I…I don’t know.”
“Jesus Christ Dan! You really took me for a ride didn’t you? I can’t believe I was fool enough to believe all this. None of it was true. None of it was love.”
“Liz…please…wait, listen, I did…I did love you.” He tried to stop me taking my mug out of the cupboard but I threw it to the floor instead.
“Love? You loved me? No you didn’t Dan. You never did. I don’t think you even know the meaning of love let alone the true value of it. Love Dan is when you stay loyal and true to one person and one person only. Not two, not three not even bloody four just the one. You made me think I was that one Dan. Now I hear that I am just a secondary lover, nothing more no less. God Dan, if you truly loved me you would be marrying me instead of her, you would have moved in with me by now, those kids would be ours! I can’t believe you lied to me for so long.”
“I am so sorry Liz, I never meant for it to happen this way.”
“For Hell’s sake Dan how did you think it was going to end? No one ever manages a relationship and family at once. No-one! I mean even if I hadn’t found out what would happen if your missus did? Do you actually think we would all get along and play happy families? You really are so stupid yet I’m the stupid one for falling for it.” Grabbing my loaded bags as best I could I made for the door. “Goodbye Dan, good luck with your perfect marriage. Send my best to your kids. I hope it all goes well for you.”
“Liz, please wait! Let’s talk this through.”
“There’s nothing to talk through Dan. You used me. To cheat on your wife and boy do I hope she finds out sooner or later and realise like me what a pathetic piece of shit you are. No woman deserves to be treated the way you treated me and her. That’s the only thing we have in common.”
“I am truly sorry Liz I never wanted to hurt you. I do care about you.”
“Ha! That means nothing to me coming from your mouth Dan, but know this. I loved you. I really, truly did with all my heart and I know for a fact I would never do this to you. I actually believed I had found a new happy life with you. Now you’ve taken that away from me and I may never find it.” With one final glance over the guy I had spent a year and half loving and laughing with I left his inner city flat and staggered into the lift with my luggage which was thankfully empty.
Once outside I managed to call a taxi, bundle my things into his boot and control my tears for the long drive home. My heart in pieces and my mind in chaos.
I didn’t know what would become of me now. Alone in a world filled with happy couples and married lovers. I felt lost in a sea of memories that felt like wasp stings inside, a swarm I couldn’t escape.
All that made sense in my mind was that I needed a strong drink when I got back in.

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